In the heart of my pharmacy career, amidst the demanding rhythms of the Intensive Care Unit (ICU), I found myself at a crossroads, entangled in the complexities of work-life balance, motherhood, and the pursuit of professional fulfillment. It's a story that unfolds with vulnerability, resilience, and an unyielding commitment to change.
From the moment I stepped into the world of pharmacy, my goal was crystal clear: to immerse myself in the high-stakes environment of the ICU, where every decision holds immense weight and the pace is unrelenting. My journey began with two years of intense residency, followed by a position in Salt Lake City, which I initially saw as a stepping stone. Little did I know, it was the beginning of a profound transformation.
This period was crucial in demonstrating my adaptability as a float pharmacist, leading to a position where I worked 7 days on, 7 days off during the evenings, rotating through various ICUs. I held this position for several years, gaining valuable experience. In the midst of this, I seized the opportunity to volunteer for a project to learn and teach the new electronic medical record system to the pharmacy staff. This endeavor provided a refreshing change of pace and allowed me to engage with other hospitals, broadening my professional network.
Subsequently, I decided to apply for a position at a sister hospital. While I didn't initially work in the ICU there, schedule and staffing adjustments soon led me to primarily day shifts in the ICU. I quickly found my footing and felt a strong sense of comfort and satisfaction in my role as an ICU pharmacist. The camaraderie within the unit and the meaningful work, even amidst the uncertainties brought about by the COVID-19 pandemic, solidified my enjoyment and commitment to my profession.
However, with the birth of Madi, the world as I knew it shifted on its axis. The onset of the pandemic added layers of complexity to our lives as new parents, especially with Madi being a preemie. Erik and I navigated through sleepless nights, balancing our work schedules to delay daycare, a period that, in retrospect, was both incredibly challenging and isolating.
As Madi grew, the reality of my work schedule became increasingly untenable. Missing family dinners, bedtimes, and holidays became the norm, and the weight of what I was sacrificing hit me with full force. The joy and fulfillment I once found in my work were overshadowed by a deep longing to be present for the fleeting moments of Madi’s childhood.
The search for a more balanced role led me down a path of rejections and near misses, culminating in a gut-wrenching interview for a position I was certain was mine. The disappointment was palpable, but it also served as a catalyst for change.
In the midst of my job search, an opportunity in regulatory pharmacy presented itself—a field far removed from the familiar grounds of the ICU and steeped in policies, procedures, and compliance. It was uncharted territory, but the promise of flexibility and the chance to be a more present parent drew me in.
With little to no experience in regulatory pharmacy, I embarked on the interview process, delivering a presentation on navigating potential new laws and their implications on organizational compliance—a topic I had hastily familiarized myself with. The panel’s questions were relentless, and halfway through, I resigned myself to the belief that this opportunity, too, was slipping through my fingers.
Yet, life has a way of defying expectations. Just as I began exploring opportunities out of state, the job offer came through, leaving me in a state of disbelief and gratitude.
Looking back on this journey, I realize that becoming a mother changed everything. My priorities shifted, my perspective broadened, and through the teachings of “Letting Go,” I learned the art of surrendering to the things beyond my control. This newfound mindset, combined with an unwavering dedication to my family, led me to a role that embodies the balance I longed for.
Today, I stand in a role that not only challenges me professionally but also honors my role as a mother, allowing me to be present for every school event, every doctor's appointment, and every precious moment with my children. It’s a balance that once seemed unattainable, a dream that has now become my reality. This journey has been one of transformation, resilience, and the realization that sometimes, the most profound changes in life come from the willingness to step into the unknown and embrace the journey, wherever it may lead.
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