After months of feeling stagnant in traditional therapy, I found myself contemplating a significant change in my approach to mental health. Initially, therapy served as a valuable outlet for me to vent and unpack the complexities of daily life. However, over time, it felt as though I was treading water, making little progress, and not gaining the satisfaction I once did from my sessions. This prompted a critical conversation with my therapist about the effectiveness of our current method and my need for something more transformative.
During our discussion, my therapist introduced me to Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), a therapy designed to alleviate the distress associated with traumatic memories. She explained that EMDR utilizes bilateral stimulation—such as side-to-side eye movements or tapping—to activate the brain’s natural adaptive information processing mechanisms. This process is thought to mimic the rapid eye movement (REM) phase of sleep, aiding in reprocessing memories and reducing the emotional response to them.
Intrigued by the potential of EMDR to address deep-seated issues, I decided to embark on this new therapeutic path. We chose to start with a relatively manageable issue involving a work situation where I felt overlooked and unimportant. This feeling triggered a deep-seated belief of being insignificant, a theme that resonated throughout my personal history.
The EMDR sessions were eye-opening. Through repeated sets of bilateral stimulation while focusing on specific memories and feelings, I noticed a gradual decrease in the intensity of my emotional reactions. This process helped me view the situation from a new perspective, enabling me to detach from the ingrained feelings of unimportance.
Buoyed by this success, I felt encouraged to delve deeper into more personal and painful memories, particularly those from my childhood. One poignant memory involved a Christmas incident with my family when I was about seven or eight years old. I had expressed my genuine feelings about receiving a Barbie doll, which led to a harsh punishment from my father for not conforming to expected gratitude. This experience encapsulated a recurring theme in my life: feeling powerless and learning to suppress my true feelings to appease others.
During therapy, we identified a profound, unresolved emotional pain linked to the birth of my daughter, Madi. Discussing the traumatic aspects of her birth triggered a physical reaction in me—a sharp pain and an overwhelming flood of emotions that necessitated a pause in our session. It was clear that I had never fully processed this experience emotionally.
To address this, my therapist suggested we explore narrative therapy, a method focused on recounting and reinterpreting the story of Madi's birth to facilitate emotional healing. This approach allowed me to recognize and grieve the loss of the birth experience I had envisioned, helping me to begin the process of healing.
Through EMDR and narrative therapy, I am learning to give space to my feelings, listen to my body’s signals, and address the root causes of my emotional responses. This journey is teaching me the importance of truly feeling and processing my emotions rather than dismissing them.
I now understand the deep value of working on myself and am committed to continuing this path. Each session brings new insights and a greater understanding of how my past experiences shape my present. As I continue with EMDR, I am hopeful and motivated by the transformative healing it promises, not just for my own well-being but for the betterment of how I parent and engage with the world around me.
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