Madi has been going to daycare since she was just 9 months old. Erik and I had worked our schedules so that we wouldn’t need to send her to daycare right away, but as she grew older and we faced the inevitable, we finally enrolled her. Like many new parents, sending her to daycare was harder on me than it was on her—especially with the added anxiety of the COVID-19 pandemic. Over the years, Madi developed friendships, and even when we moved further from the daycare, we kept her there, enrolling Jules when she was 3 months old. For the most part, we had always been happy with the care our kids received.
As Madi grew older, however, I noticed that the daycare’s attention to care seemed to change. Madi was in her final classroom before preschool, but the ratio of teachers to children had skyrocketed, making it harder for teachers to manage. While Madi still had her friends, some incidents started to raise concerns.
One day, Madi got pushed into a slide and ended up with a bad nosebleed. One teacher told me she was pushed, while another insisted she had just fallen. The mixed communication left me feeling uneasy. Another instance involved Madi having a hard time at drop-off. I was teaching her that it was okay to feel sad when we separated. But right after, her teacher told her she needed to be happy when I left the next day, completely undoing the work we were doing around emotional awareness.
The final straw came when a boy threw a block at Madi, leaving her with a bruise. Her teacher initially dismissed the incident, but when I saw the bruise forming, she had the boy apologize on the spot. The whole situation felt mishandled and left me questioning the quality of care. After these incidents, I knew it was time to move Madi to a new school.
Coincidentally, Erik had noticed a school near his gym and looked into it. It turned out to be an early childhood school with programs for preschool and daycare, offering after-school care and extracurricular activities like dance, karate, and basketball. The school also had a summer program full of fun activities and field trips. It sounded perfect, and when Madi turned 4, we enrolled her.
She seemed to love the activities, but I soon realized something: Madi is actually quite shy. For the first few months, she didn’t play with any other kids. This broke my heart. At one point, she started making up friends when we asked about her day, and I wondered if she felt pressure to tell us she had friends or if it was just part of the phase she was going through. Either way, it sunk in that I had taken her away from her core group of friends, and the guilt hit hard.
I know that transitioning schools is inevitable, especially with kindergarten next year, but I questioned my decision. Did I move her for selfish reasons because I wasn’t happy with her teachers? Did I make the right choice? The guilt lingered every time she said she missed her old friends and teachers, but I tried not to show my feelings, hoping she would settle in and make new friends.
As the fall session began, something changed. Madi started preschool three days a week, with increased dance classes and karate. She began to come home excited, talking about how much she loved preschool and asking each morning if it was a school day. When I picked her up, other kids recognized me and greeted Madi as she ran to meet me, a small but significant shift. It seemed like she was finally settling in, and I saw her happiness return.
Recently, out of nowhere, Madi brought up the boy who had thrown a block at her, calling him mean. I gently reminded her that she no longer had to be in class with him, and we talked about how the kids at her new school seemed kind. She agreed and told me that while she still missed her old friends and teachers, she was happy at her new school. She then asked, “Is it okay to feel sad about my old friends and happy about making new ones?”
I reassured her that it was absolutely okay to feel both. It’s normal to have multiple feelings, and recognizing them is something I’m proud she’s learning to do.
Looking back, I realize that while the decision to switch schools was difficult and filled with doubt, Madi is thriving in her new environment. It’s not always easy as a parent to make these decisions, but seeing her grow, adapt, and recognize her own emotions has been reassuring. We’re navigating this journey together, one step at a time.
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