Recently, I took a hiatus from my blog after a conversation with an old friend sparked an introspection about motherhood that I needed to process. My friend, grappling with the decision to start a family, reached out to me for guidance, especially since she was mourning the loss of her young niece to cancer. It's during times like these that the weight of parenthood and its impact on life feel most profound.
The last time we had met, she was newly married, and now she confided in her ambivalence about having children. In response, I found myself sharing a candid perspective. If I had been on the fence about having kids, knowing what I do now, I might have chosen differently. While I deeply love my children and they have undeniably pushed me towards a more fulfilling and flexible career, they have also irrevocably changed my life and marriage, and brought new anxieties to the surface.
During our heartfelt discussion, she asked me a simple yet profound question: “Do you like being a mom?” The automatic, socially acceptable response would be an emphatic “Of course!” But the truth is, the reality of parenting is far more nuanced than that. Parenting is challenging, and it’s a struggle that many, including myself, often keep hidden behind a façade of competence and contentment.
Currently, with two toddlers, life is a whirlwind of exhaustion and constant vigilance. Days at home with them often feel more demanding than those spent at work. The house is in perpetual disarray, strewn with toys and crumbs. Constant supervision is a must – Jules, with her daring escapades off the furniture, and Madi, with her strong-willed and challenging nature. So, in these moments, do I enjoy being a mom? Honestly, it’s a mix of yes and no. There are times filled with laughter and play that I cherish deeply, but these are often interspersed with episodes of screaming and defiance that leave me drained.
This conversation and the question posed made me pause and really delve into my feelings about motherhood. It brought to the forefront my own internal debate about expanding our family. If I could confess to a friend that there are moments I don’t enjoy being a mom, should I even consider another child?
These reflections forced me to take a step back and acknowledge the complexities of my emotions. I love my children immensely, and I have come to accept that this phase of our lives is inherently challenging. We chose to bring these little beings into our world, and with that choice comes the responsibility to be patient, to guide them through these early years, and to do our best as parents.
Ultimately, this period of introspection has been a reminder that it's okay to acknowledge the hard parts of parenting alongside the joyful ones. It doesn’t diminish the love we have for our children; rather, it paints a more honest and complete picture of the journey of parenthood.
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